Old Car Dweller Stories

I remember being awakened by strong lights shined in the car and the COPS talking to each other whether or not someone was in there. They finally saw me, rousted me out and sat me down on the bumper of their Crown Victoria while they ran some checks.

Somehow they figured out that I had been swapping license plates with my Duster parked next to the van. "Swapping the plates, eh ?", one of them asked in an accusing tone.

"Do you know that's a felony?"

They told me to move my van first thing in the morning -"And get rid of that thing!", he said pointing at my ugly Duster.

He got his wish, it was stolen three years later.

-Gordon Landreth - March 6, 2003

Outside the van, the COPS ran their checks and I came out OK and they asked: "What are you up to ?".

I looked around and I let them know that I was just trying to stay cool and out of trouble and stay safe. It was very still that night and quiet.

Then I explained that I was divorced and paying child support, being in between jobs, housing was just out of the question.

I also mentioned that I'd rather be homeless in Menlo Park than have a house in San Jose.

They laughed and laughed - I was golden with that remark and they told me to go back to sleep.

I remained parked there for months.

When the COPS come to check you out, just tell them the truth.

They'll be glad to hear that you have to work to pay your child support.

They'll understand and laugh when you tell them you'd rather be homeless in Menlo Park than have a home in San Jose.

Yea, some COPS are OK once they find out you pay child support - be a good sport.

Pay the tax, pay the man - he may let you continue with your plan.

"Got any weapons? Can we take a look ?" We don't know you so you are a jerk.

"Wake up, Get Out, Menlo Park Police, What are you doing here anyway?"

Well, I was sleeping - now I'm in my shorts talking to you about my air pistol, is THAT a weapon? I don't think so.

Now one time he said, and I shit you not, "I don't care about the weed, the weed is on your bed..."

To this I said to myself "Thanks alot." But after that, I moved over to the parking plaza and blended in with the other vans.

My van used to look like a pimp truck but I took off the roof rack and ladder to blend in better.

But you can still get in trouble for sleeping in a van.

One time, they left a nice note saying: "Please move by such-and-such a date. We'll give you a week - please don't be late.

So then I moved behind a fence. And for awhile I felt safe.

Then (the business I work for) was almost robbed by an ex-employee.

(So) the COPS came inside the fence to talk to me a-gain.

I was standing, talking at 1am in my shorts.

Then (when) they found out that I was OK, they turned and just left.

The COPS rousted me out of the back seat of my 1977 Dodge Monaco: "What are YOU doing ?", they asked me.

"Well, I was sleeping", I told the men in blue.

"You can't do that here", they replied.

I moved back to my normal spot closer to my job at FMC.

-Gordon Landreth - March 5, 2003

I'd burn some rope and watch the little switch engine shuttle freight cars back and forth on the various tracks there. Sometimes there would be 20 or 30 cars being pushed and pulled by this locomotive.

The commuter trains would wake me up in the morning.

Not having to pay rent, (means) my paycheck on Friday was mine all mine alone.

A few times I would smoke some quality rope (weed) and head east way out into the central valley and just sleep where I ended up.

I did alot of exploring east of Stockton and north of Sacramento.

Then I'd fly the Dodge back to the peninsula, hit the health club to get cleaned up and roll back down to San Jose and my parking spot in the lot behind FMC.

I left the residence of Tony Hutchison and took a trolley car into downtown San Francisco, Baghdad by the Bay. An evil dungeon of depravity, a modern day Sodom and Gomorrah, a place notorious for vice and corruption. Traveling incognito, my hat and army shirt inside my gym bag. As soon as I arrived at the demonstration, I took a walk around the whole perimeter to get a feel for the crowd. Yup, they were the same bunch as the times before. Very, very far left and radical lefties were in abundance. Every hate and or overthrow-the-government group was there with tables set up with all their printed propaganda.

No one paid me no mind as I was walking in my ball cap and t-shirt, listening to speaker after speaker condemn the US and George Bush as a war criminal. This was an informative time because I was able to walk around and hear the different sheeple braying their mindless parroting. Some of the sheeple were shocked that a war had been started without their consent. I wandered through the crowd of diluted people, slowly realizing that these punks were actually trying to keep my country from protecting me from hostile forces both foreign and domestic. I began to slow burn....

Upon seeing some media trucks on the south side of the plaza, I stood on one of the bumpers to get a good look at the crowd. Many people were still arriving at the plaza to participate in civil disobedience and trouble making. I decided I was incognito long enough. I put on my outfil like a super hero in a phone booth. Putting on my army fatigues and hat amused a camera crew nearby and they all laughed.

They all had a real good laugh as when I lit my cigar, two mean faced clipped hair lesbians had to walk through my wafting cigar smoke and they were visably disgusted. I like to get my stoggie burning real good. More people started to begin to notice me. The sun was gleeming on the gold acorns which adorn the front of my black hat. People would double take when they'd see me and then they's just stare long and and hard at a very pro-war demonstartor !

I just stood there. With my arms folded in front of me and watched them watch me. A few moments later, I noticed a few other kindred spirits: two guys flying an American flag and tape playing "The Star Spangled Banner" over and over again. I noticed that they had attracted a small group of hoodlums which were engaging them in heated "discussion". They were holding their own despite them being outnumbered by the "peace" crowd.

I made my way over there and whipped out my 3rd Infantry patch, held it up high for all to see and screamed: "Let them have it". "Hammer those guys"! The peaceniks reeled back in confusion - them not knowing what the fuck I just said. What COULD they say to a pro-war demonstrator wearing a shirt that says US ARMY on it. I said : "This is my fifth time up here telling you people but you ain't quite got the message....". I was referring to the 3rd ID babyyyyyyy.

I was holding court..... cameras were clicking on me as I held up my patch for all to see. The crowd grew around us as everyone saw the confrontation. "We are winning"!, I yell out. The angry protesters jeered at me and my new found friends. Cloud of aromatic first and second generation smoke billowed into the protesters keeping them at bay. We jeered the speakers and mocked the crowd of PC sheeple with cat calls and insults. "Irrelevent" I yelled in response to guy with a disgusting U.N. flag. He was pissed that we blew his cover.

Other fucked up sheeple tried to engage us in decent conversation, others way off the wall. A young girl interviewed me for a family video. I gave her answers like I would have any other reporter. More cameras clicked off. Then a lady from the Contra Costa Times interviewed me. So we all stood together - a group of patriots in a sea of retarded commies.

After awhile, I walked around a bit more by myself. Being an asshole with my cigar. Looking around for more pro-U.S. protesters. Dirty looks to me were abundant. I made my way back to our small group and I had arribed just in time. One guy was in the face of one of my buddies and I showed up in a cloud of smoke to help difuse a testy situation. Some people could not believe that we were there counter-protesting them. We told them that we'd be there all day. We serenaded the crowd with jeers that most often would get us dirty looks.

Each scumbag that would engage me I would just say: "We're winning !" , and they would just walk away. More patches were shown: 101st Airborne, 4th Infantry Division, 1st Cavalry Division..... Stoggie smoke continued to billow. Finally the rally turned into a march and so we mocked their slogans: "Ho Ho Hey Hey, let's get arrested to-day...". My stogie went out, the rally began to fade, it was trime to go home. Mission Accomplished. I took the trolley back to Tony's place to watch the war on TV and we we're still winning.

- Gordon Landreth 3/24/2003